Question of Faith

What does being a Christian mean?
Does it allow you to judge
others
and
question their faith
b/c they dont think the
same way you do?
Does it allow you to
say what's right and what's wrong?
Does it allow you to be a hypocrit?
Does it make you better than erveryone else?
If being a Christian
doesn't allow everyone
to be treated equal,
If being a Christian
means I can't have a mind
of my own,
If being a Christian
means I can't question
certain things in the
Bible without having
my faith questioned,
then I am no longer
Christian
I am simply a believer


apr.15 10

Curiosity

So


A simple thought

Was triggered

By a

Visual

Which led

To

A fantasy

That

Led to

A

Plan

Which will

Eventually lead to

Action

But until then

Constant thoughts

Anticipation

More fantasies

nervousness

Self-Conflict

What do u do when ur completely numb to ur emotions and its hurts the ppl u love the most?

How do u solve that issue?

How do u deal with that demon?

How do u express ur love to someone if u dont feel anything at all?

How do u comfort them when u cant even connect with the way they're feeling?

How do u get that voice inside of u to surface in order to prove ur love?

How do u manage?

How can u solve this issue alone?

Is it just a phase?

Will it ever go away?

How long will this last?

How do u get rid of it?

What to do?

How do u vent to the person u love about the problems u have with them without screwing things up?

How do u make a positive out of a negative?

How can u beg them not leave u when ur physical being is not convincing?

How can u convince them to stay around because without them u are lost?

How do u pretend to be happy just to make them happy?


((sigh))..how?

nov 16 09

Return to Sender Pt. 2

so i opened the package i kept it for quite some time now but maybe it wasn't for me to keep im lookin at it staring,actually wondering if it's here to stay or if ((sigh)) i have to return it it's like having to return ur fav game to GameStop because u only rented it for a few days it hurts it really does i loved that package it made me happy but there were missing pieces so my question is, is it truly worth fighting for? or do i just heartbrokenly return it hoping it'll come back with all the pieces? it hurts just thinking about it.
apr 4 09

Sceptre's Perspective

Their raison d'etre is to entertain.They are the complete opposite of being prosaic.Through all the pain,anger,discomfort,they smile b/c it's their character.These characters are known as jesters.These characters are always smiling b/c the smile is permanent,a scar. It never goes away. Their smile is just a cover up.Let's just call this smile a physical scar to hide emotional scars. This character doesn't allow his real emotions to affect his physical appearance.He is to be bright, colorful,entertaining, and full of life. He is capricious, which makes him almost impossible to keep up with. He is constantly evolving into something greater. But what he seems to forget is that he is also human. Smiling doesn't solve his issues, it's just a way to ignore them. Ignoring problems leads to insanity. He keeps problems to himself.He hardly vents. Bottling up emotions can turn out to be volatile, therefore causing insanity. He laughs sarcastically. He is a joker, so most people dont know when to take him seriously. He does things in a jokingly manner to get his point across. We'll call it the gesture of a jester. It's kind of a way of crying out. We have to pay attention to more than just the surface meaning. It's deeper than you think. He does things that we may look at as something normal, but ends up having a purpose later on. Jesters are almost impossible to understand unless you're lucky to be close to them. But even the closest people dont completely understand them. Is it possible to completely understand this character?
jan 8 09

Scarred for Life

Scars mark you and what you've encountered. They are reminders of the past. Scars show what has happened to you. Scars make you who you are.There are emotional scars. There are physical scars. Physical scars remind you of past events. When people see them they want to know the story. Physical scars cannot be effaced. You can't act like it isn't there because you have no choice but to see it. Scars are permanent. It's nothin you can heal. It's just there, forever. Emotional scars can be hidden, but only for so long. Through actions you reveal your emotional scars to the world. Some are deeper than others. They have this kind of power over you, if you allow it to happen. You can block out emotional scars for as long as you want, but you're only hurting yourself. They always come back to remind you of what you've been through. It happens. It's life. Those scars will never completely heal because someone can always open that same wound if you allow them to. There's no cure because the damage is done. All that you can do is treat it. It's like having AIDs. But only it's not neccessarily your fault. Once you allow your emotional scars to take over your life, you become vapid because you feel the need to block out everyone and everything that you think might hurt you. You put up this thick, brick emotional wall and make it almost impossible for anyone to get close to you. It's a good thing because you're protecting yourself from unwanted pain. But it's a bad thing because you're stopping yourself from experiencing life out of fear. My question is, How do you overcome this major issue?

Conquered

What doesnt kill me

can only make me stronger

But am I too strong?

I am numb physically

and experience pain mentally

No matter how hard

I try

I just cant cry

Too angry to laugh

It has been said that

crying and laughing

relieves the pain

But if it isnt possible to do

neither

What other remedy is there?

I'm trapped

in my own body

I didn't realize

how strong I was

But my own

strength

is killing me

I no longer

show emotion

talk with emotion

I rarely feel it

It takes alot

for me to cry

I thought that

this whole situation

would make me

shed at least

one tear

My eyes didnt even

water

Is what used to be

my protection

Now the only thing

that can defeat me?

It's like I have no soul

The life has been sucked

out of me

like cold air

Will I ever feel or

experience

some kind of emotion

again?

Trapped

Lost

Numb

Pain

july 12 08